alone...

ALone feeL....

i'm missing HIM badly right now =(
i'm seriously need HIM to be my side now =(

There are a lot has been happening in the past few days. I have lost myself. I dont know who i am anymore. I cant seem to control my emotions…sometimes I’m happy sometimes i just breakdown but there has nvr been a passing moment which i would not think of him….

“since I’m going to improve my mandarin…..so~ as usual I’m going to use mandarin to blogging in tis time~ “

这几天不知道怎么了。。。每当一个人在家时，都变得好多东西想！！！！真的很讨厌那种feel。。。有时想着想着就会留下眼泪，每次流泪后最想能出现在我面前的人就是你。。。。but I think tis is really impossible…..haiz….

最近你参加了学校的活动，这几天你都在忙着到学校去帮忙，我们聊天的时间真的变得很少了。。。可是自己又不能太自私，只能每次对你说‘我行，我能，everything is ok…..’ 其实我能不能你自己应该都心里有数。。。。=(

今天早上只有自己一个人在家。。。天空突然打了一声很大声的雷。。。。从小到大我都最怕雷声，而且这次是一个人在家，也只可以靠自己克服，很想有你陪着我，可是又不能打扰你，当电话还在dialing时我又cancel了。。。。也许这次真的是时候要我自己去面对了吧。。。。不再依赖人，不再依靠任何人。。。。。=（

i really hope that i can get over with all this unhappy things.....bcoz i'm GAN JINN HOONG^^

How my perfect world is…

Living for the past 18 years, only recently I've learnt about the other meaning of drugs. Drugs to me were always known as the medicine found in pharmacy and hospital. By means, drugs meant prescribed medicine which is used for the good and not otherwise. Yes, I am aware of other drugs which are harmful too but they were only extra information that I learnt back in high school. Basically, I'm brought up to believe that only bad juveniles would be related to being a drug addict and so on. Today, I'd think twice.

Now, drugs no longer carry the same meaning. I know it could happen anywhere anytime to anyone and even around my circle of friends. It does not happen only to bad traits people, it just need a chance. A chance to try when you let your guard down not knowing your everyday life might be just about snorting, eating and smoking meth after that very one try.

I thought my life is perfect but no, it is just me moulding the imperfect world to be perfect always. I heard some guys who seemingly deeply in love with his other half could be out with hookers when their partners are away. How could you ever imagine the face of someone you love tenderly would do such a thing?! I cannot imagine me loving someone who could do this behind my back. Moreover, to be still thinking that he is your perfect lover who in reality, goes to prostitutes. It takes away my trust in guys for I do not want a pretender or a liar as my lover.

Behind everyone's happy life, there are always these dark unrevealed secrets untold. One might be a successful someone, but the fact is, everyone wears a mask to hide their very evil dark side. For me, I am still very ignorant to the extent of being in denial to believe and accept. I need a hope, a sign, anything to let me carry on with this dream of my perfect world.

gastralgia...

恶梦又开始了。。。。

最近的我又开始胃痛了。。。起初还以为是肚子痛没什么理会他。。。怎么知道连续痛了3天，这让我又想起之前的那个病。。。我是不是又要开始当药罐了？？？！！！从小到大都害怕吃药的我，为了不想吃，结果宁可选择自己痛都不让爸爸妈妈知道。。。因为一定会被他们拉去看医生了。。。

已有好一段时间没胃痛的我。。。前阵子因为痛的真的不能tahan了，吃了药还是一样，结果打了一针。。。wa seh！！痛到我！！！！！！！！！！！！那种滋味，真的不好受。。。我真的怕了。。。而且医生还说了很多食物我都不能再随便吃。。。要接口，特别是过辣的食物！！！可是那是我的最爱啊！！！要人家怎么忍。。。。气死了=(

所以有一段时间没在痛了。。。我真的很开心，因为我真的不用再当药罐了。。。可是前几天它又来了！！！！而且今天更是痛到起不到床。。。只可以一个人在房间一边叫一边哭。。。。我真的很怕很怕。。。。我不想再痛了。。。真的很讨厌胃痛。。。。

我的病到底什么时候才会好。。。。
好不想每次都依赖药来控制它。。。这样我只会每次都依赖药罢了。。。。
haiz。。。。自从前天开始知道自己又胃痛时，我想恶梦又要开始了。。。haiz。。。
who can help me....

wishlist...

Wishlist~

women are demanding...admit it, we lov3 to splurge on things we like disregrad of how much they could cost....my friend would love to get COACH totes, LV bag and branded cosmetics etc.

well.....haha i'm one of them of coz...but~i'm love in this one.....
it is not a bag, a purse, blingblings, apparels or gadgets...it's non other than....THIS.....

TADAaaaa.....


....xixi~it's call e-laconic! i was watchin my idol-tedd wearing and it is so wonderful~!!!!
i'm in love with it so much....wahaha!!!!!

who am i....

who am i.....

i am so depress...Yes, i feel the pressure could anchor me down anytime....people around me keep repeating the same statement....'you can....you are the best...''FUXK''!!!!!

i am wondering hv i not done my part as a dedicated sister or a daughter??!!! hv i not done anything they wish for...anything from top to toe and if i m still a failure in that, i really dont know wat to do....

have i not try to be there,a sister as listener....
have i not done all the things that you as a brother/sister should be doing....
have i not completed my so called task or responsibilities as an elder not to guide or help you...

OR

may be i am just someone who happen to be fated,turning out as yr sister and you hated me from beginning....

have i not done my part to fulfill wat you all want me to be....
have i not followed all the obligations that you all have wanted me to do....
have i not done the best daughter role for you all to be proud of....

OR

may be in the end, i am just someone who cant be proud of who i am, but proud of who you all want me to be....

NOW.....i am speechless and feeling blunt...wat should i do for you all.......

blogging~

blogging~

i'm sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo sorry that for my long
absence!haha~i miss everyone of you~ especially is YOU!!!!!! i know i've not been updating my blog regularly...no worries...i'll make tis quick alright??!!

well...Sept. wat a hell of the time for me, having final exam and the syallabus of tis year is really tough...but.....i could do all i want without much trouble...hehe~bcoz of YOU.....whenever i cry, i yammer to you.....u keep console me....all tis is really touching.....^^thx....baby~i love u oways~ muackszzzzz

lastly....last week i had went to cameron highland, basically went there just for holiday + family day....it was great~ i love the air condition.....is it fresh~^^haha....
apart from that..the main things is the foods and fruits @ there.....haha it is good indeed.....BROVO~

mooncake festival

mookcake festival + jiejie's birthday....

beautiful lanterns^^

playing candles..

sister & dylan boy~

our production~wahaha

my sibling~